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quarta-feira, 5 de maio de 2010


I'm so angry! So frustrated!
Grrr I don't even know why i'm writing in english, is just that i'm thinking of my posts in english lately, and i always translate.
I wanna talk about  my job. I guess I never talk about it, but today is the day to do it.
The thing is that I'm always complaining about work, and people like to tell me how silly I am, cos I HAVE a job, i could have not, and what would I do then? Yeah, that's true. I know. And that's why, maybe, i keep working, even if I'm not satisfied.
But see, even when I complain, I always have something good to say. I just quit when i can't say anything good about my work, or my co-workers, or my bosses. Well, i'm near of it.
I work as trainee on a Translations Company. People or companies send us their documents, we translate it, revise and then comes the quality control, just before it we send the client the translation. I mostly make and Quality Control, but sometimes I translate (I'm doing it now). Well, I shouldn't complain. Is very calm in here. No one, or nealy no one talks to me, but I'm kind of used to be isolated, i guess i do it even its not intentional. I receive a payment that is not fantastic, put i do pay my bills (some of them) i have the money to takes buses (to come and go) and the lunch ticket (i know this is not the correct expression, but i don't know how to say it correctly, so, for this text purposes, i call it that).
The thing is, yeasterday i was really depressed. Ha, what novelty. But i was so imersed in apathy that, even for me, is unsual. I was not feeling okay here. I knew the only reason to come to work was the payment. I have family problems and I was sad and willing of someone who cared about me, but was feeling pretty lonely. And with these feeling, what I got was some (maybe three, i don't know) people to say that i was not doing my job properly. I care so much about my work! I really do. I pay a lot of attention. But in the last days, i don't know why, i keep staring at the screen and just don't know what to do. These five hours lokk like ten to me. And I just wanna run away from here but i keep thinking: "the payment. The lunch ticket. the bus money".
So today I was supposed to receive the lunch ticket and I didn't. Why? No one knows. I really thought I was going to be dismissed and they didn't want to pay me. But looks like no one received. They looked on the site to make sure. I was right on the mc donalds when i discovered.
(And just to register: I eated there anyways because I was with my friend and he payed for me).
But then I get here and knew they wouldn 't pay me today! I was not going to eat with that, I was going to seel to buy A lot of things! I need a pen drive to make a power point presentation at university and my mother's gift (she doesnt deserve, but anyways) and The spare Abzurdah ( I bought one for me and want to send one to Brasília ^_^) and i was going to watch Alice and i was going to make a tatoo....
Oh, i am so angry!
For they, for my bosses, those 150 Reais can be nothing, but for me its a lot! I need it! And now I'm worried, what if they dont pay, what if they pay us just in the next week?!?!?!
(Hiting wood)
I know its silly, but i wish I was like other girls. The girls in my university: one girl, in my class, is the best student in all classes, is thin, beautiful, smiling, work on a place that I worked before (but had to quit because of university) and is also a housewife. Why can't I be like her?
Why can't I be just... normal? Everything distubes me at the most. Right now I'm feeling tired for my own anger attack and i am a little bit asleep.
At work ¬¬
Well, I feel a little dizzy also because of Mc Donalds, I always feel weird when I eat there.
Ufs, I guess this is it. I want to find a new job, but i feel so useless for anything, i just don't think i'm good enough. But I think I can find something where I feel "less useless", because, really, translating is something that I'm not good enough. I just want to hold on till i find something else.

This is it. Now i'll try to concentrate (hahaha) and i'll try to not look at the watch that often....
see ya.

1 comentários:

Anna Williams disse...

There is always something else. Even if it takes you a long time to find it, there will always be something better out there for you. I believe that and when I left Brazil and sold my shares for the school I owned with other partners I was a bit afraid. It was a leap of faith, but I had to take my chances. I couldn't stand the people I worked with, but deep down inside I loved them, too. They annoyed me, but they also provided me with something that I wouldn't get anywhere else. I worked with people who had known me since I was 9 years old. They saw me grow up and they were part of my teenage years and my early and late twenties...It was hard saying goodbye, but I did and my life is better now. Yours will be better too when you find something else. Good luck:-)